3 steps to getting your inner critic on side
As I sat down to write this very article, the little voice inside me cropped up with,
‘What do you really know about this topic?’
‘Who is even going to read this article?’
‘You’re just wasting your time.’
Readers, meet Rosie. She’s that voice inside of me that tells me I’m never any good, that I’ll fail, that I’m small, that I need to learn more, study more, do more, be more, have more. She’s my personal Inner Critic.
She’s bloody relentless, if I let her be.
So, how can you identify your Inner critic?
Here are three ways to identify your Inner Critic by her style of speech:
She’s mean, harsher than you would ever speak to anyone else
She’s very black and white in her opinions
She’s a broken record, you’ll notice that while every now and again she’ll throw in a creative new line most of the time she comes down to a few core stories she’s been repeating for decades. Rosie’s personal favourite is ‘you’re just not good enough’. Yeah, I love that one. (note the sarcasm there please.)
If I constantly allow Rosie to rule my life, she’ll cost me so much. Including;
Your Joy and fulfilment, Rosie is always coming from a place of lack. She will always steal my joy, my fulfilment and sense of purpose
Your Health. Rosie is a stress head and we all now the detrimental impact of high stress on our health.
Following your heart, your dreams, your big work in the world. If I allow Rosie to rule my life, I wouldn’t be writing this post. I wouldn’t be a coach, I wouldn’t be writing my first book. Your inner critic will cost your big dreams, your fulfilment and joy if you let it.
A small caveat for you, Rosie’s never going to go away. Her and I are in this thing FOR LIFE. So, pushing her aside is not the solution. Neither is arguing for that matter because Rosie is cunning and even the fact that she has my attention for the duration of the argument is a win.
So now we know how to identify our Inner Critic, how can we get her onside?
Notice when your Inner Critic is speaking and identify it. Become aware of your thoughts and when your Inner Critic is in control. ‘This is my Inner Critic speaking.’
Name your Inner Critic. Just like I’ve named Rosie, give your Inner Critic a name, a character, a style. What does he/she wear? Look like? For eg. Rosie is a 30-something business woman dressed in a skirt-suit. She’s always well manicured, she works long and hard and holds me to these expectations. She abhors laziness and strives for achievement, recognition and getting the most done.
Ask what your Inner Critic needs. Your Inner Critic is, believe it or not, serving a purpose. That is, to protect you and keep you safe. Notice how he/she shows up every time you do something that is meaningful to you? Your Inner Critic is designed to keep you safe from rejection, making a fool of yourself, making mistakes for example. If you can ask her, in your journal or mind’s eye what she needs and how you can help her feel safe.. You can lessen her impact.
I hope these tools help you build a relationship with your Inner Critic. Because, she’s going to be with you for a long time so you might as well get her comfortable with the fact that she’s no longer going to be in the driver’s seat.
Life’s short, be sassy.
Katrina
4 Myths about Purpose - BUSTED!
There are a couple of Myths out there about what it is and means to find your soul purpose.
Here are three that I’d like to bust for you. Because when they busted for me, ‘shift happened’. (Thanks to Derek Rydall for that great pun!)
Myth #1 - your purpose has to be your job/career/vocation
Your purpose is to be you. In fact, Derek Rydall would say that it is everyone’s purpose in life to become the highest version of themselves.
I know that is going to baffle some of you in the throws and pain of wanting to find your purpose, your ‘one thing’. Like your friend who is a painter and all she does (and wants to do) is paint. Like that other friend who is a Doctor and leaves and breathes medicine. Like your idols on social media who fell into travel blogging and now make money online.
Your purpose is not in a job/career or vocation (note: there’s a difference between the three and I’ll address that in another post) - your purpose is to unfold, to peel back the layers of conditioning and roles you have played and to become you. To follow your heart’s content. To listen to the voice of discernment and heed it’s call.
That is when your vocation, your calling, your work in the world will become apparent.
Myth #2 - there is one job that will be your purpose and this is what you must find
I remember trying on different career ‘hats’ and titles. Like Doctor or Teacher , Lawyer even. Here’s the thing about soul purpose work - the physical job or title could vary yet the core raison d’etre the root of the work that sustains and fulfils us might be the same. All the roles above, for example, are in service of others. If working with people is a value of yours you might choose any of these career paths.
So take the NOUNS OUT OF IT. Take the titles out. Focus on your nature, what speaks to you, the story your life has been telling you.
Myth #3 - finding your purpose is something external - outside of you
Your purpose is more like a way of being than a goal to achieve. Less of a striving doing thing and more of a peeling back the layers, being who you are kind of thing.
“I don't think of purpose as something we "find," I think of it as something we "are." Language is a limitation here, tempting us to think that our purpose is something separate from, somehow outside our being. As I see it, a human being is both a particle and a wave, both a noun and a verb.” - Marianne Williamson
So, how can you go about being more of you?
Daunting question? Let’s get back to basics then, what do you like to do? What makes you happy? What brings you pleasure, no matter how small.. Do that. Be that.
Dr. Abraham Maslow argued:
“Recovering the self must, as a sine qua non, include the recovery of the ability to have and to cognize these inner signals, to know what and whom one likes and dislikes, what is enjoyable and what is not, when to eat and when not to, when to sleep, when to urinate, when to rest. The experientially empty person, lacking these directive from within, these voices of the real self, must turn to outer cues for guidance, for instance eating when the clock tells him to, rather than obeying his appetite…He guides himself by clocks, rules, calendars, schedules, agendas, and by hints and cues from other people.”
As Palmer insightfully put it:
“The soul is like a wild animal-tough, resilient, savvy, self-sufficient, and yet exceedingly shy. If we want to see a wild animal, the last thing we should do is to go crashing through the woods, shouting for the creature to come out. But if we are willing to walk quietly into the woods and sit silently for an hour or two at the base of the tree, the creature we are waiting for may well emerge, and out of the corner of an eye we will catch a glimpse of the precious wildness we seek.”
One bonus myth that I recently learned is this:
MYTH #4 You have to continue seeking
If you have been on this search for a while now. You will be familiar with the need to seek. Seeking answers, seeking truth, seeking, seeking, seeking.
‘Seek and you shall find..’ the biblical phrase does go.
However, I invite you to become a FINDER. For if you continue to seek, perhaps you will never become someone who creates. Someone who assimilates information and turns it into knowledge and wisdom.
So truly learn. Truly listen. Truly integrate what you have learned from audio’s, classes, courses, books.
BE A FINDER.
I urge you.
With heart, always,
Katrina
![It's safe for you to TAKE UP SPACE IN THE WORLD [a rant]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/58b79b05197aea733bc8efcc/1543444730387-CK7WON4ULFVNY17YGIL5/space.png)
It's safe for you to TAKE UP SPACE IN THE WORLD [a rant]
It's safe to take up space in the world.
It's safe for you to speak up, say no, say what you really think and feel.
It's safe for you TO BE HERE. (on this EARTH, in that office, in that job, on the beach wherever the heck you are! You're SUPPOSED TO BE HERE! Shit you beat all the other sperm to the egg and you made it through the birth canal do you know the odds of that???!!)
It's safe for you to CRY AND SHOUT AND SCREAM AND LAUGH AND DANCE.
It's safe for you to commit to and follow your dreams.
It's safe for you to be strong and empowered.
It's safe for you to create a life that is deeply meaningful to you and loaded with purpose and passion. IT'S WHY YOU BEAT ALL THE OTHER SPERM TO THE EGG IN THE FIRST PLACE.
Why am I telling you this?
Because I get sooo effin' frustrated when I see young women (in particular) playing small.
The ones who speak with a little wafty bird voice and every sentence ends with an upward inflection as though asking a question when not really asking a question.
The ones who stand with rounded shoulders.
The ones who let the man order for them at the restaurant and don't say a peep.
The ones who don't speak up and don't say no and don't say what they really think and feel.
I want to GRAB THEM BY THE SHOULDERS AND SHAKE THEM!
Why?! Why it bothers me so. damn. much????
Because that used to be me.Heck,some days IT STILL IS ME. Why else would it frustrate me if it wasn't IN ME?
I've been that girl...
too scared to make a decision because it might not be the right one so I would let other people decide for me.
too scared to say no in case that ruffled anyone's feathers.
too nice to say what I really think and feel.
apologising for taking up space
apologising for existing in the way I hunched my shoulders, kept quiet, didn’t make a number of myself. ‘Be nice.’
Well, fuck that.
I want GIRLS AND WOMEN (myself) to stand in their power and say no when they mean no.
To speak up - in solid, weighty voices that mean business.
To stand tall - shoulders back and head up facing the world with courage, tenacity and pride.
To follow their dreams and hearts - to create movements, build businesses, change the world.
To have lots of money and have power of their money so they can create more, express more, help more, do more, be more.
and I'm on a mission to create this for myself and LEAD OTHER WOMEN HERE TO.
To a life of freedom, joy, empowerment, creativity and self expression.
It's a sisterhood thing. I rise - you rise. Just like the Rebecca Campbell's book RISE SISTER RISE. I'm here to champion you on.
I know you're here to champion me on too.
<3
9 Ways to Reclaim Your Power today.
A little note on power.
See, we tend to give our power away often, especially when we aren’t feeling great about ourselves. The problem with this is, the more we give our power away, the worse we feel about ourselves so the more we give our power away…. You see the cycle here.
Ways we give our power away;
// saying yes when we mean no
// people pleasing
// not standing up for ourselves
// playing the ‘victim’ - I don’t have enough money to do that, I’m not the kind of person who..
// we don’t ask for time off work when we need it
// we allow our calendars to be a mess of conflicting times
// knowing we know something but not sharing it
// wearing clothes that make us feel invisible/small/unseen
// spending money ruthlessly
There are loads more but those are a few examples.
Here’s another thing about power. Power is attractive. It’s magnetic. Power attracts money, clients, friends, lovers, opportunities.
So.
How can you start to claim your power back?
Set your alarm at least ten minutes earlier than usual; get up and start a positive morning routine. Give to yourself first, Fill your cup.
Dress in ways that make you feel powerful, sexy, empowered.
Have a haircut you love and learn how to deal with your natural hair - it took me years to nail curls
Use positive affirmations as mantras all throughout your day - look yourself in the mirror and even if they aren’t true - KNOW that they will be one day. You are literally thinking and speaking your future into reality. Plant positive seeds today.
Exercise - your body loves to move and you will love yourself more for it. Find something that works for you - walking, yoga, surfing, dance class, aerial yoga, swimming. Try new things. Figure out what is for you!
Meditate. I can’t stress enough the power of focusing your mind. That’s what meditation is. A practice in focusing your mind so you are in control not it. Remember, the mind makes a good slave but a terrible master.
Keep your promises, especially to yourself. This is a biggie. We find it so easy to let ourselves down. Promise we will do something and then, because it’s ‘only us,’ when we don’t do them it’s ‘okay.’ IT’S NOT OKAY TO LET YOURSELF DOWN. Ever. We teach people how to treat us so if we are constantly letting ourselves down, we teach others this. Oh and, not to mention how bad it makes us feel and how this is a massive form of letting your power go. Keep your promises girlfriend.
Do things that you love.
Practice saying NO to people. Remember this when you are saying no - people will respect you more if you say no when you mean no. Because that means, they know that when you say YES - YOU MEAN IT and you will show up with your full being.
I could go on. This is a start.
Reclaim your power.
You are the only thing you have control over in your life. You have control over your thoughts, your actions, your words. So take control back. Master yourself and the rest will follow - the money, the boyfriend, the children, the business whatever it is.
Master you first.
xx
With heart, always,
Trini
The Desperation Effect (Part II)
GETTING OUT OF TDE (The Desperation Effect)
In the last post I described The Desperation Effect. Being so desperate that we become like two south poles of magnets just pushing away at each other.
You might have recognised yourself in the stories I shared and asking yourself, ‘Well, Katrina, how do I get myself OUT of this cycle?’ because I still really WANT that job/that relationship/that baby/that house/that trip/that money.’ What can I do?
No matter what you seek, the answer always remains the same.
You need to turn inwards.
You need to come home to you.
Focus on you.
Invest in you.
Have fun with yourself.
Enjoy yourself.
Be present and be aware.
All very vague concepts, I know. But, let me explain with a tangible example (my own). While still wanting a career and a title.. I loosened my grip and turned my focus to being really present in the waitressing job I currently had. Being present with the customers and staff. I turned my focus again to journaling and writing. I turned my focus to poetry and having fun - I went to open mic nights and shared my words on stage (fun, right?!). I let go of expectation and focused on myself.
I focused on pleasure, enjoyment and being fully planted in my truth. Which was a 29 year old waitress, with little money, a big heart, perseverance, creativity, passion, verve, excitement. I helped people and in turn they helped me. I connected with people. I was present in all my interactions.
Not long after this, the beginnings of what you see now - the Self Worth Mentor writing to you - came to fruition.
Let me give you another case study. When the girl who desperately wants a relationship - quits holding on so tightly and starts to focus on ENJOYING BEING SINGLE. When she starts saying, ‘fuck it, I’m taking myself out to dinner, I’m buying myself flowers..’
She never stops being open to opportunity, but she focuses on enjoying herself. She focuses on being present. She loosens her grip on her relationship status.
BOOM. The man appears.
Or what about the couples so desperate to fall pregnant and then they forget adopt and are so busy being present with their current child that they fall pregnant. They loosened their grip, they focused on what was in front of them.
Are you seeing a pattern here?
If you are stuck in TDE what do YOU need to do to get yourself out?
And I mean YOU - while what I have shared is a generalised topic, it is also very personal when applied.
Questions to ask yourself…
What makes me truly happy?
When do I feel most WHO I REALLY AM?
When does time fly by? (what are you doing?)
How can I express myself more fully?
How can I practice being fully present on a daily basis?
With heart,
Trini
WHAT IS MOJO ANYWAY?
Definition of mojo (Per, Merriam Webster Online Dictionary).
: a magic spell, hex, or charm
broadly : magical power
How to know when you HAVE LOST YOUR MAGICAL POWER:
You feel FLAT.
You feel CONFUSED.
You feel LOST.
You feel STRESSED.
You feel ANXIOUS.
You are in VICTIM MODE.
You can’t decide, everything feels stuck, you don’t know how to move forward or what to do.
How it feels when you are IN YOUR MAGICAL POWER (aka. You’ve got your MOJO BACK BABY!)
You feel PEACEFUL.
You are HAVING FUN.
The right people are drawn to you (because, magic, duh!)
You are AT EASE.
You are in FLOW.
You’ve found your way in.
You are empowered.
Want to get your mojo back girlfriend?
Contact me and let’s make it happen.
The Desperation Effect
Today I want to introduce a little somethin’ to you that I like call
‘The Desperation Effect.’
Have you ever wanted something so damn much? Oh so much? You would do ANYTHING to have this in your life?
For me it was a meaningful career and a title to wear with pride. Oh I wanted to ‘be someone’ so damn. Bad. It was the only thing I truly craved.
I made a decision long ago that I didn’t want marriage, kids and a white picket fence. Which, by process of elimination left travel and career (in my eyes). Which was fine by me! I was ready (am always ready) to getting the car and drive, to jump on a plane and explore a new city/country.
I bought my first car at 16.5 (couldn’t legally drive it on my own until I was 17 and I haven’t stopped road tripping since! I’m also the first person people think of when there’s a spare ticket, a flight, travel, exploration coming up. Which, is a fact that I absolutely love - people think of ME when they think about fun and travel? Awesome. Over the years I’ve landed myself a free trip of 10 thanks to my open mind and sense of adventure.
I digress. Back to wanting a career so damn much.
What do you think happened with this career and this job title?
IT ELUDED ME like trying to get a fistful of water.
I put it up on such a high pedestal that it was unobtainable. Because it had to be perfect. I mean, I had one choice. For the career of my life time. (I know, I know this is actually true but 20-something Trini thought it was). I needed to wear the perfect title that ENCOMPASSED ME.
Do you know utterly impossible that is?
(of course you do)
One job title to encompass all of who you are? I mean, we are so many things and nothing all at once. If we want to get really ‘woo woo’ we ARE THE UNIVERSE. How can I encompass THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE in one piddly job title.
But I got hooked on this and consequentially my career and title ran for the hills.
This, my friends, is The Desperation Effect.
To give you a better, clearer example, I liken my elusive career path and the chase for it to a woman desperate for a relationship. We all know the kind right?
The girl who yearns, longs, pines to be in a long-term committed relationship that she’s asking questions about the future and practically moving in on the second date. Yuh, THAT GIRL.
What do you think men who are on the receiving end of that kind of panting and lock-down do? Run for the fucking hills. You guessed right.
She’s D-E-S-P-E-R-A-T-E.
I WAS D-E-S-P-E-R-A-T-E.
The Desperation Effect (the TDE from here on in) comes in to play when we DEFINE OURSELVES by that part of our lives. So if you are beginning to define yourself by your career or lack thereof or perhaps your relationship status… You can end up in the cycle of TDE where you REPEL the one thing you truly desire.
Anyone with me on this? What area of your life do you experience this with?
See the next post for how we GET OUT of the TDE and attract what we really want into our lives (HINT: it’s the same process no matter what it is you’re desperately seeking.
TBC…
What dream is your soul pulling you toward that you're ignoring?
When I was a little girl, I loved books. I loved reading - I would stay up until I finished a book, reading by torchlight under my doona because I was so engrossed in a story.
I also loved writing and making books. I would fold together A4 pages and staple them at the fold. I would write fiction stories and research books on stories.
Books were such a big part of my world.
They still are.
A big part of my young heart wanted to grow up and become a writer. To hold books of my own creation in my hands. Hard covers with stunning pictures. Sentences so beautiful, so poignant they made you stare at a wall and think them over again.
Somewhere between 8 years old and 17 years old I lost that dream.
As far as I can remember it was highschool. Because English class took the fun out of writing. It was always an official document. We didn’t get much time to write stories, or use our imagination. They were ‘how to’ articles or reviews of novels we had read. Not a whole lot of fun.
Or perhaps somewhere along the line I had a story implanted in my mind that writers don’t make money.
Either way, writing and becoming a writer was something I so revered, respected and admired - it felt so far away from little old me.
Pair this with a very shaky sense of self, people pleasing, seeking external validation… you can see that being vulnerable enough to write - or to even try was something I could not do.
So while I was on a long journey to answer the question ‘what do I want to be when I grow up?’. I kept coming back to writing and yet was unable to write.
At 17 I committed to journaling.
At 23 I recommited to journaling and left my Law school for a Communications degree.
At 29 I recommitted to journaling and again and found myself speaking poetry at open mics around town. My friend suggested I start sharing journaling workshops.
At 32 I’m recommitting to writing again - let’s see where it takes me this time.
I’m wondering what dream YOU put so high on a shelf that you don’t dare touch it. Or that you dance around it?
I’m wondering what your soul keeps drawing you to, pulling you towards that you keep pushing back because..
“I couldn’t possibly”
“I’m not that kind of person.”
“What would other people think?”
“What would my parents say?”
“Oh, I’m too XYZ to do something like that.”
“I’m not XYZ enough to do that.”
“I wouldn’t know where to start.”
“I don’t know how.”
I wonder how you are putting yourself out of connection with that deeper part of yourself?
I wonder if your 6 year old self would be proud of you? Or if she would urge you to… do something to express a part of yourself you have kept hidden for too long?
How can you access that dream?
That six year old version of you?
If you wanted to dance - could you turn some music on and dance in your loungeroom?
If you wanted to teach - could you share your knowledge with someone?
If you wanted to be an astronaut - could you learn something new about space?
Sometimes when we think about ‘purpose’ it doesn’t mean that our life and soul purpose is to be a writer for example, but that purpose calls forth MORE OF WHO WE TRULY ARE.
Did you notice that every time I recommitted to writing, something new and beautiful came into my life? Because I was attached to soul. I was following my heart.
What will happen when you recommit to yourself? Let that expression out?
I’d love to hear what dream you have put aside and how you will access it and bring it into your current reality. PM me and let me know what it is. X
Here's a photo of me and my brother circa 1992. I'd lost both my front teeth. My grandma sent me that tshirt dress for my birthday. I adored it's tassles.
Why Saying "no" will garner MORE RESPECT ...
Ahh… saying no can be scary can’t it?
“What if they are hurt?”
“What if they don’t ask me next time? “
“What if they won’t like me saying no and not like ME?”
FEAR OF REJECTION is a core fear when we say YES to things and really mean NO.
What the video below for my tips about why saying NO will garner you more respect AND more invitations.
Short video break down:
Saying no to what is not important to you or what you just can’t fit into your schedule means that you only say ‘YES’ when it is a full 100% yes. People will respect you for this and ask you again because they know you are HONEST.
Saying no to what is not important to you allows you to do more of what IS important to you
Are you a YES PERSON? Meaning you say ‘yes’ and are excited about it before you even think about how this will work? HOT TIP: Say, ‘ooo I love the sound of that, can I think about it and get back to you?’ Then take it away, think about it, does it align with your values? Does it fit into your schedule? Reply accordingly from a space of calm and thoughtful
More hints and tips like this? Head on over to the Facebook Community by clicking here.
With heart,
Trini
Cover Photo by Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash
Why have a morning routine?
Ahh... the morning.
Honestly, I adore mornings!
I love being up early, when the house is quiet. Using this time to give myself what I need before anyone else is awake.
My personal routine, on an ideal day, looks like the following:
// Yoga on the deck in the sun
// Meditation in savasana
// Journaling
// COFFEE
Here's three reasons why a morning routine is so important:
1. Give to yourself first
I mention this in the video. If we wake up and the first thing we do is answer emails, jump on facebook and feed the kids. This is an energetic statement "everyone else is more important than me."
Switch your phone to flight mode. Give yourself five minutes to an hour of YOU TIME. Give to yourself first before you turn to the rest of the world.
2. A morning routine sets you up on the right foot for a productive day
We all know what it's like getting out of the proverbial wrong side of the bed. Morning routine's set us up in good stead for the day. So you can turn that mood on it's head immediately and have a positive, productive day.
3. Reducing the amount of choices you make in a day, reduces mental fatigue
Mark Zuckerburg (CEO of facebook) wears the same thing everyday. Why? To eliminate mental fatigue.
At the beginning of everyday we only have so much mental capacity and willpower.
Eliminating choices by having your clothes already picked and the first 5-90 minutes of your day planned out actually lengthens and strengthens your mental capacity - meaning less fatigue.
Personally, I feel less anxious, less stressed and more positive , more productive on days I get up early and complete my routine
If you need some help with a morning routine, why not check out the book, 'Miracle Morning,' by Hal Elrod.
With heart,
Trini
Better Questions, Better Answers
Are you feeling stuck in a situation?
Stuck in a job you don't like?
Stuck in finding your true purpose?
Stuck in a relationship?
Stuck in a rut?
Stop for a moment and examine the types of questions you are asking yourself...
Are they big questions?
Are they useful questions?
Are they helping you or hindering you?
Or are they more like...
Why do I always end up in jobs like this?
Why am I always running out money?
How come this is happening to me?
When we feel stuck, we also get stuck asking bad questions.
Stop for a moment and take the time to breathe in some new, bigger and bolder questions.
Like, what's the lesson in all of this?
How can I serve right here where I am?
What else could be possible?
What's my ideal outcome?
See how much better these questions FEEL? <3
I believe we all deserve the life of our dreams. We just need to ask better questions so we stay in touch with our heart and soul and understand what it is that lights us up.
Love, Trini x
The Art of Self-Compassion
This morning as I sat down to write my book, I thought of a poem I wrote years ago, when I was in the depths of my deep self-doubt. I went trolling through my google docs and began reading old online journals.
As I exited a folder I saw folders for 2014, 2013, 2012.. I didn't open them but I knew what was in them. Photos from those years. Photos of my backpacking days and a lover I no longer speak to. A lover I had a strong connection with and strong sensory memories.
At the same time a song was playing on my iPhone, that reminded me of a Ben Harper song, 'I will not walk alone.' A song I listened to while walking alone in the desert and crying. Purely because the song was so sad.
Back here, in my lounge room in 2018 a tear formed in the corner of my eye. At first I clenched my face, took a deep breath (if only inhalations could take tears back too).
I didn't want to cry. I wanted to write.
I was already distracted.
Then, I remembered what I always tell my clients and what I write about.
It's important to feel.
So I let the tears come.
They weren't the really painful type. They didn't last long. They were an acknowledgement of times gone by - both good memories and bad. Grief for a time that will not come again. For a love who's chapters have morphed and changed. Nostalgia for a time that was different - not better or worse just different and I can no longer live in that time anymore.
The tears, this moment of feeling, only lasted but 5 minutes and then I put my hand on my heart and thanked myself for allowing this moment of self-compassion.
This, this is an art-form. This being kind and loving to ourselves. Allowing ourselves to feel and to be and the breathe into the ever-changing current of our lives.
If you need help, that's what I'm here for. To hold your hand as we navigate life and it's ups and downs - that's being human.
With love,
Trini
Photo by Alina Miroshnichenko on Unsplash
1 tip to PRIORITISE YOU!
I just realised today it's nearly half way through the year already?! It's nearly the end of financial year here in Australia. How crazy is that?
Time just seems to fly by.
Especially when there's so much going on; mouths to feed, children to shuffle to and from school, businesses to run, work to be done, clothes to clean and on and on and on the list goes.
It's so easy to let time for ourselves - you know that giving to ourselves stuff - slip away from us. Especially as women we tend to put others first and work harder and speak more kindly when it's anyone else but us.
We've all heard it before in myriad forms;
"You have to fill your cup before you can fill anyone else's."
"Give to yourself first."
"You can't give from an empty cup."
on and on and on ....
We know it.
But how do we actually enforce this giving to ourselves thing first?
Here's my one simple tip:
SCHEDULE IT IN!
I don't care if it's 15 minutes a week or 5 minutes every morning. Schedule in YOU TIME. Make it time that you do something you LOVE that lights you up. It could be reading an inspiring book, journaling, yoga, playing with tarot cards, stair sprints, juggly, handstands, whatever floats your proverbial boat lady!
Whatever time you can fit it in.
Write it in your planner, type it into your iphone calendar, set an alarm on your phone. Schedule it in like you would a coffee date with a friend and stick to it. Follow through.
Prioritise yourself.
You deserve it.
With love,
Trini x
What if you didn't believe you were BROKEN?
What if you weren't constantly at war with yourself?
"Ugh you are so bad at that."
"You'll never be good at anything"
"Why can't you do anything right?"
"Whyyyy is everyone else so happy and I'm NOT?"
What if you supported yourself 100%?
What if you spoke to yourself the way you do everyone else?
What if you didn't believe that you were broken, but rather that you were whole?
What if you had your back every step of the way and it sounded more like this...
"That was awesome for my first go, imagine how I'll go the next time I do this?"
"Wow, I'm actually pretty good at this!"
"I did 99 things right, I'm not going to dwell on one mistake."
"I'm really enjoying my life right now."
What would that look like?
I'd like to say it might look something like this;
An empowered woman who prioritises herself. She gets enough sleep every night, she's honest with everyone around her about her feelings and her time frames. She loves everything in her wardrobe, everything she sees in the mirror. She doesn't care what other people think, she just cares what she thinks.
This woman can be you.
You just need to get back on your own side.
With love,
Trini
Photo by Anete Lūsiņa on Unsplash
Self-Worth is an Inside Job, Baby
People can whisper sweet nothings, how beautiful, how intelligent, how courageous, how creative you are.
Men can lose their minds over you and gift you their hearts.
Women can hold your hand and be your best of friends, singing your praises.
Love can pour it’s precious song all over and around you.
You can win awards & accolades.
You can win the affection & attention of children.
You can travel the world, you can fall in love, you an give and give and give and give..
But if you do not give value, worth and love to yourself first;
NONE OF THIS, nothing will truly touch you.
Self-worth is an inside job.
The moment you reach in, give inward and see this - the richer your world becomes.
When you finally come home to you and awaken to receiving all the love you give away.... You finally get to feel alllll the LOVE in the world.
You finally get to feel all the LOVE you deserve.
Write your way home,
Trini
The real reason you're keeping BUSY
Want to know the real reason you're keeping schedule full from Monday to Sunday? Yeah, sure, there's fun things to do and you like your friends and, of course, there's work. All important stuff.
But, have you ever stopped to think that maybe you're NOT STOPPING TO THINK is because you're terrified of having down time - alone?
Because you don't know what will come up? Because there's a whole collection of emotions you have stuffed down into the 'not gonna deal with it' pile?
So, if you keep busy, you think you won't have to deal with what's REALLY GOING ON in your life and INSIDE OF YOURSELF.
Well, honey, I'm here to tell you that if you continue down this path - you will create dis-ease in your body. Stuffing those emotions down will result in a lack of ease. Heaviness in your body, aches, pains, injury, illness. Until you take the time to stop and listen in.
I know what you're thinking, 'but stopping and listening is scary.'
Only at first.
It won't always be scary.
It just FEELS scary because it's been so long since you've actually stopped to look in and listen. So, there's a whole mush of emotions going on in the depths of you.
You'll probably cry with overwhelm.
I'm not going to lie.
What's wrong with crying?
Ab-sa-fucking-lutely NOTHING. In fact, scientists have proven that tears are healing.
Imagine how GOOD. You are going to feel after the cry. Imagine if you had a little down time with yourself on a daily basis? So that your emotions wouldn't have time to bottle up and overwhelm you but they could flow through you.
Go through your schedule today and clear out some time JUST FOR YOU.
If you want some processes to work through your emotions and allow them to release, head on over to the Emotions Masterclass and sign up!
Write your way home,
Trini x
Declutter & Lean In
It's Sunday morning and I wake up around 8am. I've forced myself not to look at my phone until after yoga, meditation and journaling. So by 930 I sit down with a cup of tea to look at my emails.
Mind you, my personal inbox always has at least 200 unread emails. But they're way back in the 500 odd emails that rest in my inbox. So I check my emails - flight agencies, random newsletters I've signed up to, people selling me courses, business coaches giving advice, journaling instructor courses.
I delete all the newest emails.
Not a single one of actual importance.
Later that day, I'm chatting with a friend of mine, Sarah. I mentioned something about a woman who is particularly successful in the online world. After a moment, Sarah responded; 'I don't follow or listen to any one anymore. Not business people, not yoga teachers. It's all distraction. I just do my own thing.' (she was referring to her own yoga/oils business).
That advice struck me. Because, being a curious woman, I tend to Google a lot, sign for a lot of newsletters, follow a lot of people on Facebook. As someone who tends to think other people know better, I can be swayed to watching videos and reading other people's work.
TO THE DETRIMENT OF MY OWN WORK.
So, today I implore you to do what I did and spend some time de-cluttering. This could be your physical environment - we've all seen those clutter shows on TV and read about the importance of decluttering.
““Cluttered home, cluttered mind.” ”
What I'm actually inspiring you to do today is to declutter your online world. Go through your inbox and delete all the newsletters you receive but never read, go through Facebook and cull or unfollow all the people who are distracting you.
Here's what really stuck with me after chatting with Sarah and being super-inspired by her comment;
//How much time & energy do we waste in reading those emails or even just the fact that we have to delete them?
//How much do we give our power away when we read a lot of magazines, articles and advice from other people instead of turning inwards?
Once you've decluttered, spend some time in meditation & then journaling - SPEND SOME TIME LEANING INWARDS.
What does this decluttering experience mean for you?
What does it mean to trust yourself more and turn inwards for advice?
Write your way home,
Katrina
#LTFI (lean the F in)
Photo by Kara Michelle on Unsplash
Quit Wishing and Start Acting!
I'm a firm believer that thoughts create reality. Our thoughts become our beliefs. Our beliefs dictate how we respond and react to the world.
I love Derek Rydall's definition,
“A belief is a composite of thoughts that form a specific paradigm, like one of those filters on the end of a pasta maker that determines the shape of the pasta that comes out.”
So I always say this is great to know. Because, we can change our thoughts. If we can change our thoughts we can ultimately change our beliefs and alter the shape of the pasta we are creating. Great news right?
How do we change our thoughts? There are so many tools, NLP, Tapping and journaling to name a few. So we can work on the inner - affirmations and changing our internal world and beliefs, but.....
changing our thoughts and our beliefs alone does not create change in your life.
There's another REALLY IMPORTANT step to creating change in your life.
ACTION
Taking action aligned in your dream/goal/purpose whether you belief you can do it or not, whether you have affirmed enough or journaled enough takes you into forward motion. It gives you feedback so you can continue moving towards your desires. So you can take a step forward, look at the results and see what you need to alter and what you are doing well.
This action also creates the belief in yourself and creates the results you are hoping to see.
So you can't just sit back, wait and listen. "if you're waiting to have all the details, to know all the directions, or to be sure that where you're heading is the right path before you act, you'll be waiting forever." Derek Rydall.
Action is key to success.
If you don't act, it's like standing at the bottom of a mountain and wishing and hoping that you'll climb it. You actually have to put one foot infront of the other to get up the mountain.
What is something you've been dreaming about creating, doing, asking someone about or for that you've been putting off until you're ready/smart enough/ have enough courage/are better/have more money....
I challenge you to take action towards that today and see what happens.
While there's magic in thoughts, beliefs, affirmations and prayer - the real magic is in taking action. Before you're "ready" and see what appears.
Do you need help taking action? Let's connect. That's what I'm here for! I'll help you move forward.
Write your way home,
Trini
xxx
Photo by Atlas Green on Unsplash
For THE Best Advice I EVER received... Read on..
Do you get nervous talking to the opposite sex? Do you feel weird and uncomfortable at social gatherings, do you get anxious meeting new people? Don't know what to say, don't know how to be?
I got you covered.
I'm about to share with you, hands down, THE BEST piece of advice anyone ever shared with me:
People LOVE to talk about themselves.
It's the subject they know best. Rather than finding things to talk about and trying to be the star of some odd one-person show, ASK PEOPLE QUESTIONS ABOUT THEMSELVES.
Simple.
How are you? How was your day? What's your job like? What's your favourite thing to do on a day off?
Ask questions. and most importantly -- LISTEN WELL to the responses.
You'll leave being a hit of the party without having spoken much at all.
Why?
Because you've been generous - asking questions, you've been thoughtful - listening to the responses, you've been DIFFERENT - because you asked.
It's so simple but honestly, some of the best advice I've ever received and has taken away any social anxiety I may have had.
Ask questions. People Love to Talk about Themselves.
// journal prompt//
Write 10 questions you can ask the next social gathering.
Write your way home,
Trini
xx
Photo by Alexis Brown on Unsplash
